I'm in great need of some fancy talking and putting on the charm. I have been so nervous when talking on the phone to prospective employers.

"Let there be magic in your smile and firmness in your handshake."

Usually I am very confident when its comes to interviews but lately I've really been off my game. I think part of the problem was that it was a phone interview and I'm a vibes person. I need to be in the same room with a person to get a feel for the kind of person they are. The good thing is, people who interview me are usually impressed with the professional way I present myself.

Wish me luck...

Well, I've come this far...

Sorry folk, I've been so busy applying for jobs that I completely forgot to blog yesterday. It's been crazy, but I'll make this one extra special.

"Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later."

I have really tried to have so much patience and not loose hope while applying for jobs, even though I have not received any bites at all. However, a friend from school woke me up early this morning with a call telling me that she just got a job with hospice (which is exactly what I want to do.) She told me all about how this particular hospice was hiring new grads. I just need to keep hope in myself and keep praying.
The best thing about this opportunity is that it has patients in the same county I would like to live in. I just really hope that this patience will pay off and I will be rewarded with this particular job.

Until tomorrow...

Spice of Life

What's in store for me? This is one of the times in my life where I really wish I could look into the future and see where I'll be in 10 years. I've always been one of those girls who needs a little adventure in her life. I'm constantly looking for new opportunities and adventures, especially in San Francisco. I have one of those minds that works a mile a minute and can come up with half a dozen great ideas while in the shower.

"Grand adventures await those who are willing to turn the corner."

This might have something to do with my plan to work far away, commute wise. I'm still unsure about moving away from here since I have NO credit history and I'm so pathetic in terms of financial planning. That's where my boyfriend and I complete each other. I probably won't be looking farther than an hour away from where I want to live. I have all this fear. I'm just afraid of having to live in my car or something.

Baby steps...

Maybe its time for a new approach

So I went and visited a long time friend of mine today who has been away at school for a while, I got into a conversation with her mom about places I could apply for a job and she gave me a great idea that hadn't really crossed my mind before.

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."


All this time I have been looking for a job within this area. No more than an hour's drive from where I live now but I need to look for a job within an hour's drive from where I want to live. My friend's mom gave me the suggestion of just applying anywhere and commuting to that job for 1 year and during that year look for other jobs closer to home. Well, what she actually suggested was that I move out of state/area for a year and just apply for ANYTHING. I mean I have a boyfriend and we are loyal to each other and love each other very much. We'd definitely miss each other but it would only be for a year.
When I saw my fortune I thought to myself, "I have all these dreams and expectations from my life, how will I ever achieve them?" So if I'm so desperate for a job I just need to take anything. I mean I have a few under the table opportunities coming up that I can get experience from and use my clients as references.
I mean, everyone starts somewhere right? I just need to get my foot in that door. Especially since there's no way my boyfriend and I will be able to afford a house or a wedding anytime soon.

Keep me motivated Fortune Cookie...

So I didn't post yesterday because I was out of town for the weekend. I went camping with my family and some friends from our church. One thing I love about this group of people is that everyone is so loving and caring and everyone watches out for one another. And best of all I get along with them. I don't like high maintenance people and these people are anything but high maintenance.

"You have an unusually magnetic personality."

I don't have a whole lot of patience usually, especially not for teenagers that bring their hair straightener and find it necessary to text while camping. Despite my low patience and dislike for many people I do have alot of friends, including people from church and from school. Interesting enough, my charm extends mostly to those 40+, especially those 65+.  So I guess one could say I have an old soul.

Until tomorrow Fortune Cookie...

Things I've had to work on

A while back I agreed to make some changes to myself regarding my attitude and reaction. I agreed to try to be more patient, more generous, not be such a perfectionist when it came to my relationship, among other things.

"Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals."

I'm assuming this is meaning I need to be more giving in my relationship with my boyfriend. i shouldn't pressure him into doing things that are too terribly inconvenient for him. I should allow him more time to do what he wants. He's been wanting to program the game ideas he has in his head, and he should since he is extremely talented.
I am a perfectionist, I am a perfectionist to the point of controlling. I need to have it my way, the way it is envisioned in my head. I don't know how I have this talent to play out a scenario in my head and imagine how it should be. I think the type of perfection the fortune cookie was referring to was perfecting my generosity. I've been working hard to keep up my side of the pact we had made.

Until tomorrow fortune cookie...

So make a chicken omlette?

Ever heard the phrase, "Never count your chickens before they've hatched."?

"It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today."

I'm assuming that this means it is better to wait for the egg to become a hen so that you can have eggs everyday instead of eating the only hatching egg you have. A similar analogy would be to save up a large amount of money that collects alot of interest and spend the interest. Or in a more down to earth analogy might be to plant a vegetable garden and eat from it instead of eating the seeds.

That last example is what I intend to do. I've always wanted a vegetable garden and some fruit trees. I'd like a fig tree, a peach tree, pumpkins, squashes, carrots, potatoes, lettuce maybe, and also an herb garden. I'm one of those save the planet kind of girls.

Hen tomorrow...

So happy together...

The one thing I've been really wanting for my future is to be happy and love my boyfriend forever. After spending the weekend together for my birthday I realized I wanted nothing more than to be with him forever.

"You and your wife will be happy in your life together."

Well I don't have a wife and don't intend on having a wife (except in the unlikely case that my boyfriend dies, I don't think I could love any other man.)
But just for the sale of argument I'm reinterpreting the word wife to actually be spouse. My boyfriend and I have been talking about saving up for a house together, talking about decorating plans, talking about wedding plans. The wedding plans have been on the back burner since we both agreed that starting our adult lives together seemed more important since both of us still live at home. I was debating on weather or not I should have my own place first but decided that it would be a waste of money since I'd just be over at his place all the time anyways.
Last night he was having some doubts about his future and where to go from here. I assured him we would be okay. We have our love and we keep each other motivated.
I know I've said this before but I really just want and simple and quiet life. I don't want a mansion or a bunch of cars or scads of expensive jewelry or anything like that. I don't even want children. I just want a quiet, clean home with enough space for two people two live life and enjoy hobbies, maybe do a little bit of traveling.
It's nice to know my fortune cookie is there to back me up.

And we'll live happily ever after...

Took a 2 day sabatical since I cheated on 2 days

It was only fair since my fortune cookies were irked with me since I opened 3 cookies on one day. For today's cookie I was rewarded for my patience with 2 fortunes.

"You should not return to the past to revive and old relationship."

"You have an ability to sense and know higher truth."

No one has to tell me twice on the first one, there are only 3 people in my past that I despise enough to never want to talk to ever again. As a matter of fact when I do see them I make a point of avoiding them. The one other guy I dated is a drug addict. I have had a few short flings over the years, nothing serious, and I never talk to the person ever again. Except with one, he and I are VERY close and my sister and I are also very close with his sister. To my surprise I have... feelings for him when I spend time with him. It was our mutual agreement many years ago to break off the affair and we've remained friends. My boyfriend is aware of my past feelings and I've assured him he has nothing to worry about. I intend to keep to myself.

In the ability to sense and know higher truth I have a very good judge of character and when I interview for jobs I shall keep that in mind. I once interviewed for a home health job as an aide for elderly people. My boss would have been a quite voluptuous woman who wore too much makeup, fake nails from Walmart, a rose tattoo on her breast, among other unsavory elements. I don't think that environment would have been very professional.
Also I've always been very observational and attentive. I notice things about people that others don't and I'm able to make a judge of character. Not psychic, just smart.

Finally!!! A fortune cookie thats not just a cute cookie.

I have to admit that I've been pretty skeptical about this whole fortune cookie thing since I've been getting so many empty ones. But this one I'd actually listen to... because it told me to listen to it.

"Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it."

I guess its time to look back at my past fortunes and analyse which ones I have actually profited by.
Day 1: You will have a long and healthy life. I don't know about me, since I'm pretty healthy but today I was able to recognize pneumonia in an older adult, which is impressive since its not always your run of the mill fever and cough. Its more of confusion, wet lung sounds and shakiness. She'll be fine, she went to the hospital.
Day 2: Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity. Well today gave me a little bit of assessment and critical thinking practice. Its something interesting that I can talk about in my interview to personalize it and show more of my true self in an interview which is my great love and compassion for older people and my amazing assessment skills; which are top notch by the way. Once the older adult I mentioned is home from the hospital I might have the opportunity to care for her in her home which would be good experience.
Day 3: Sell your ideas; they are totally acceptable. Not only is this blog a good example of that but I have been giving advice to friends about how to better their lives just a little bit with diet, organization, motivation, among other things.
Day 5: The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. AND your future is as boundless as the lofty heaven. I know I stand in front of my future with so many ideas and values and ideals. But my life is filled with endless possibilities and I welcome it.
Day 6: You should be able to make money and hold onto it. I have been saving and being thrifty. I have also been trying to help my boyfriend save money too so that we can start our life together soon. I used to be a compulsive shopper, especially in thrift stores. But I recently went in and saw lots of things I would have liked to have but held them in my hand and logically talked myself out of buying it by recognizing that I had no need for that thing. Aren't you proud of me? I've been watching Hoarders on A&E.
Day 8: Your life will be happy and peaceful. I've been keeping to myself, being generous and asking for nothing in return. I want and simple and quiet life with my boyfriend and I want a pet rabbit and a quiet space to do yoga in every day.
Day 9: You will always be successful in your professional career. I have been my family's private nurse for sometime that every one comes to for questions and advice. I've taken care of family members and will continue to care for them. If I can do that, I will be successful in life. Of that I am sure.

Until tommorow fortune cookie... and no cheating next time.

Cheaters never win...

So I grabbed a fortune cookie just like any other morning and broke it in half...NO FORTUNE. Really? Are we going to do this again. I was semi frustrated so I grabbed another cookie and broke it open...NO FORTUNE.

I saw this second empty cookie and laughed. I ate the two cookies and continued on with my morning.
A little later on I walked by the fortune cookie box again and jumped on it. Like I was going to surprize the box and get a cookie with a fortune. Nope. Again no fortune. I was really meant to NOT get a fortune.

I guess this is karma for not liking my last 2 fortunes.

And there isn't much but fun due for today anyways.

So I should watch what I say?

How is this supposed to make me feel? My whole life I've blocked most people from my inner self...my real inner self. And now the fortune cookie is telling me to,

"Watch your relations with other people carefully, be reserved."

There are only a select group of people who really know me well. And only 2 people who know me completely. I just don't let people in that easily. People get glimpses, photographs of my inner self but not enough to hold anything against me. The select group of people could hold things against me. But the 2 that know me completely just won't, at least not for an extended period. I give too much to them for them to hold grudges. But I suppose just to be on the safe side I should post less incriminating things in semipublic places and speak nothing ill to those I think ill of. Merely politics.


Ok Fortune Cookie...what now?

Fortune Cookie Typo...

So today I got THE MOST RIDICULOUS fortune cookie ever. Not only was there a typo but it was also very insulting. It assumed my boyfriend was hiding something...

"Trust him, but still deep your eyes open."

I can't think of any reason I might not trust my boyfriend completely. We've been dating for 6 years almost, he's a good catholic man, we were friends in high school, and we've been there for each other through so much.

I guess the fortune cookie could be telling me to look deeper. I mean we have been arguing lately about something he said to me that hurt my feelings but he has also been trying to build up his credit by getting a credit card to pay off his college loans so that we can buy a house.
I know that moving in together will open up a whole new can of worm not only with him but our families and so I'm sure that the fortune cookie is telling me to be wary of that. Either way the fortune cookie needs to watch it will those typos.

Until tomorrow Fortune Cookie...
Now to job hunt and do laundry.

I've been applying for jobs alot lately. I'll take anything just to get out of here. My dad keeps telling me to apply for jobs I'm over qualified for and my boyfriend keeps telling me to apply for jobs I'm under qualified for. Me? I'm just scared out of my mind. But of course my good friend Fortune Cookie is there to reassure me.

"You will always be successful in your professional career."

I know I will be successful because I am a smart woman, a hard worker and a fast learner. I've always been that way. My manager always adores me. My coworkers always think I'm so cute (since I'm usually the youngest one there and the most mature of the young ones.) But there is something about being a nurse that terrifies me. I think its that I don't feel like an adult yet. I don't feel like a nurse. This is the most frightening thing I've ever experienced (besides my NCLEX of course). What if the manager doesn't like me, what if my coworkers laugh at me? What if I do something illegal on accident and a patient is harmed. What if I just can't cut it?

I have all these doubts lately. I've been feeling so vulnerable and its starting to wear on my relationship with my boyfriend. I'll be on edge with trying to find a job and keep my family from boiling over and he'll say something that he didn't mean and it will just break me down. It will eat at me for weeks, months even.

Another thing I'm afraid of with getting a real nursing job is I'm scared that I will like it at first, everything will be just great. Then 3 months later the glitter will start to fade. I'll start to see the drama, the unprofessionalism. I'll see the manager's dark side, my coworkers lies and I'll feel like I'll have to do something bad just to fit in. At 6 months I'll hate it there. I'll dread going to work, waiting until the last second to leave my house, speeding to get there, praying I get in an accident so I can call into work with an excuse.

I just don't want to mess this up.

So Fortune Cookie...what say you?

Well its about time!!!

I was just anxious and excited about my daily fortune cookie I had to crack it open exactly at midnight. And the excitement was well deserved.

"Your life will be happy and peaceful."

Now this is what I like to hear from a fortune cookie. After a few unsavory events of the day, I am reassured by this. I have always dreamed of a life where I can wake up with a few wispy rays of sunshine peeking through the curtains in the morning. I want to wake up next to my boyfriend's sleeping smile, I want to open up the window and say "Good Morning, World." I want to savor the glistening dew that kisses the dill and basil sprouting in my herb garden. I want to open up double rice paper doors and salute the sun on a bamboo floor. Simple pleasures.
I want to whisper to myself, "I love you."

In nursing school I decided that I wanted to include complimentary therapies into my practice. Meditation, Yoga, Journaling, Prayer. I also realized my calling towards hospice. I want people to have the least painful (mentally as well as physically) death as possible. I want to help people connect to their inner selves and be able to have their pain alleviated. I want my patients to know that their lives were happy and peaceful. Wouldn't you want the same thing?

Good Morning Fortune Cookie. I love you.

And on the 7th day...

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Genesis 2:2.

Again today:

No Fortune!!

Except today I'm not taking it as a personal insult. Instead today I am going to enjoy my day. Its summer and the birds are chirping outside my window. My elderly neighbors are doing yard work. There's not a cloud in the sky.
I'm going barefoot today. Well, at least until I leave to go out to lunch with my grandparents. And I can just imagine the big hug I'll get from my grandma and grandpa as they tell me how proud they are that I passed my NCLEX.

I want to spend the day in the sun with my boyfriend's hand in mine as we stroll around the SF botanical gardens and just soak up that Vitamin D we're both deficient in.

Go out and enjoy!!!

Until tomorrow fortune cookie!!

Another Day, Another Destiny

So all hyped up and just got back from the club. I couldn't wait until morning so here goes fortune cookie number 6!!!

"You should be able to make money and hold onto it."

This one is ironic since I am actually able to apply for jobs now that I have my license and my boyfriend and I have been talking about saving up everything we have so that we can start looking at a place to live together.

Only thing is, is that I have a really have a hard time saving because stuff comes up. Ya know? It cost me close to $400 dollars for a bunch of expenses for school and my Nursing test. Kind of ridiculous right?

So thank you fortune cookie for giving me the task of resisting the urge to shop at Bloomingdale's (yeah right!!) on Sunday. I was going to go shopping though. Perhaps I should opt for Ross instead?

There could also be a figurative meaning that was lost in translation too. It could have meant to say: " You should be able to acquire wealth and hold onto it." This might apply to my relationship with my very loving, compassionate, patient boyfriend. We've been having one of those moments again and I need to stop and remind myself what a priceless jewel his is and not to squander, abuse and waste him. No ladies, I am NOT breaking up with him...ever. (That means you L.J.)

The same could also apply to my family. We haven't been getting along very well as of late and its pushing my younger sister and I away from our parents. Its really hard to deal with but I need to be thankful that I have a family. I have one acquaintance that had to watch her parents go through a divorce at age 3 and at age 4 her father died. At age 16 she was kicked out of her home by her mom and lived on the streets. She made her way by herself and with the help of many friends but its sad when she doesn't have blood related family (except an aunt and cousin) to celebrate holidays with. Thankfully she is a successful college grad now. Good for you, T. O.!!

Oh great wise fortune cookie what should I do with my family issues? Until tomorrow!!

Ha!!! Take that, yesterday's empty cookie!!!

So even though I seriously had an AWFUL day (I DON'T even want to talk about it) it ended amazingly because I found out that I passed my NCLEX!!!!! Funny thing was that it was just a half hour ago that I found out and I went running through the house announcing to sleeping family members that I passed my NCLEX!!!! I even called my boyfriend and woke him up to tell him. I didn't even care about the argument we had earlier that evening.

So in celebration I toast to all of you and to me (for all the hard work) with today's fortune cookie!! Yes, I know what time it is, it only 2:30am. But I had to do something to celebrate. I wasn't about to go crack open a beer... and drink it by myself. That's lame. That's for tomorrow, or rather later on today. El Rio in SF...anyone? anyone.....?

Well at least open this cookie with me then!!! Geez!!

Heck yeah!!! Bonus cookie made up for the last one... 2 FORTUNES!!!!
And boy are they good ones!!!

"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
"Your future is as boundless as the lofty heaven."

I have to say these are the most appropriately placed fortunes I have ever received. For all the people who didn't believe in me or doubted me for a second or thought ill of me, the first fortune is for you. Also to you melancholy doubters, I WILL work in hospice. You know how I know that? Because my future is as boundless as the lofty heaven!! That's why.

The first fortune reminds me of my childhood as well. One parent always told me I shouldn't strive for one thing or another because it was a "stupid goal" or "useless" or "inappropriate" or "a waste of time" the other parent was always very encouraging and has kept pushing me forward.

Did you know I used to want to be a painter and a poet and a rock star. Well those dreams were smashed, and I have an acoustic guitar sitting next to me collecting dust. I have an almost complete poetry book and an abandoned calligraphy set. Oh well.

None of those matter since I just completed my life long goal!!!! I have a career!!!! I feel bad for the people I know of that chickened out before their last semester.

I feel so amazingly free!!! I really want to go run in the street and shout (at 2:45am in the morning) in my pj's. I have such a lifetime of unending possibilities!!! But my overall goal is to eventually work in the Zen Hospice in San Francisco!!

Here I go world, about to change you, love you, make you better and more fulfilling...with fortune cookies and competent nursing care!!!

Today is another unthrilling day, but at least I got a cookie for breakfast!!

So I set my alarm today in hopes of hopping out of bed and immediately starting my day. I went downstairs to hear that my little sister and her friend were making chocolate chip pancakes. So I grabbed a fortune cookie and ran down stairs to join them for breakfast. Before I started eating the delicious pancakes my sister so generously shared with me, I snapped open my cookie, only to find the following...

Absolutely Nothing!!!

There was no fortune and to tell you the truth I was incredibly sad. I mean this is day 4 of my great fortune cookie adventure and it was denied to me. I wasn't sure if this was fate or just a cheapo box of fortune cookies.

Of course this could be the day I make my own destiny. Well obviously I make my own destiny or I would not have just graduated college. No pseudo-Chinese cookie told me to do that.  And I KNOW I need to clean up around the house today. It could be that I'm just not going to have an exciting day. Who knows.

Either way it was rather un*fortune*ate...

And I was afraid this was a bad idea...

I must be going crazy!!! Well the mystery of the fortune cookies are starting to pick up a little and get more exciting. You're never going to believe me when I tell you. Remember yesterday how I said that I think too much about what others think of me? Well Fortune cookie number 3 had a rebuttal to that.

"Sell your ideas - they are totally acceptable."

I honestly could not believe my eyes when I read this. I laughed and said, "Thanks, fortune cookie!!" Actually I'm kidding, I didn't say that...but I was thinking it real hard.

Now I know what you're going to say. "It's just a stupid fortune cookie!! It has no wise input on the world. Nor does it actually have an opinion about what you are doing."
Well sheesh!! I know that. But I've realized that the act of opening up the fortune cookie has a moment of excitement. It's a simple pleasure, which I'm a big fan of.

I digress. I feel as though the luck of the draw has led me to be happy that I'm embarking on this humble journey. And I know that no one is reading this. I know this because my counter tells me NO ONE is reading this. Which is sad and pathetic on my part. But I'm going to persevere. I mean how many people do you know have done a year long pilgrimage? I only hear about it in books. The more I write the more this is like a diary of slow self discovery.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that fortune cookie approves. But the question is: Did it mean my ideas or ideals? Good question. I guess we'll find out together.

Living by Fortune Cookie

So this is the second day of interpreting the mysterious pseudo-wisdom of fortune cookies, and I am just plain exhausted!! My NCLEX was the single worst experience of my whole life!!! I won't get the results for a while. I mean I am so tired I just tried to use the muffin I am going to eat later as the computer mouse.

And the second fortune cookie tells me to...

"Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity."

Bad grammar aside, I really think this is telling me to get my butt in gear and start seriously looking for a job. I mean I have been looking at craigslist on and off and applying for places but I certainly have not been very aggressive.

I think this can also be interpreted as, "Don't worry about what your classmates are doing, even if you look like a lazy butt loser. Just worry about yourself." I tend to care too much about what others are doing and compare myself to others. This leads to a low self esteem. I'M SO TIRED OF HAVING A LOW SELF ESTEEM!!! So despite the fact I'm almost sure I didn't pass my NCLEX, I probably did.

But anyways, I'm going to overlook what everyone else is doing. It's me time.

I hope I get a more grammatically correct fortune cookie tomorrow.

A fortune cookie everyday!!! Day 1

There's something about a fortune cookie that adds zest and sweetness to a moment and not just in terms of taste. What other food item can hold such a mystery in a moment... and the next moment makes you smile, giggle or contemplate on its message's meaning?

Tomorrow I start a new life, this is literally the moment I have been waiting for since I was a little girl growing up playing Barbies and Barbie had to go off to work. Alas, no, I do not start a new job; instead I take a test to get a special kind of license to be a registered nurse, called the NCLEX. 13 years of standardized tests, 4 years of nursing school at an accredited nursing university, 2 nursing review courses and literally 1000's of NCLEX practice questions have been preparing me for 1 test. Tomorrow determines my fate.

But enough about nursing gibber jabber (I could literally go on all day if you let me).

I want to savor every moment of this next year. I want to taste its delicate sweetness and discover that crisp loveliness. I want to contemplate and reflect on it and smile. Like a fortune cookie it won't let me down and won't disappoint me.

Fortune Cookie, make me smile!!!

OK HERE GOES FORTUNE COOKIE NUMBER ONE!!!!
"You will have a long and healthy life."

Somehow this is starting off disappointing. I expected something much more creative and intellectual. But I can definitely apply this to myself. I am a nurse, I take good care of my body and I think deeply about things. All healthy traits. I am romantically healthy as well. I've been in love with the same man for 6 years. We are kind and loving to each other and plan on marrying someday. I couldn't be happier with him.

If I were to compare myself to other young people in my age range (I'm 22) I would have to say that I am healthy in a social respect too. I am very down to earth, contemplative, friendly but don't mind being alone. I can always find something to do. I'm not on facebook or AIM every waking moment. I don't do drugs, don't drink excessively and don't engage in other dangerous acts of various sorts.

In a way it is satisfying since I would LOVE to be a little old lady (not so little - I'm almost 6 feet tall) and celebrate my 100th birthday!!! And be able to tell people how I voted for the first black president and when I was little I read these things made out of the rare substance paper and we called them books. "Lookie here sonnieboy I still have some here I stored away under this floorboard. But don't tell anyone, there's no telling what they're worth!!"

Until tomorrow Fortune Cookie!!